


My Musketeer

by Theonenamedafterahat



Category: The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: F/M, Not Annamis friendly, Parody, Satire, guys i'm so sorry, my immortal parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 08:46:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7308181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theonenamedafterahat/pseuds/Theonenamedafterahat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Guys it's a My Immortal Annamis parody. What more is there to say. (Now I have no problem with people who ship it, or the ship as a concept - this is merely a commentary on how it's written).</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Musketeer

**Author's Note:**

> Guys I just want to make sure you understand this is NOT Annamis friendly. It is a My Immortal parody. Please, if you like the ship, there are many great fics out there for you to read that glorify and appreciate your ship. This is not one of them.

Hi my name is Anne Infanta of Spain and of Portugal and Archduchess of Austria and I belong to the House of Austria (that’s how I got my name) and I have long golden blonde hair and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Marie de Rohan (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). Given the the frequent use of consanguineous marriages among the European nobility, I’m probably related to King Charles I of England, but I wish I wasn't because he’s a major fucking hottie. I have pale white skin. I’m also married to the king of France  and I live in a palace called the Louvre in France. I’m a queen (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly white. I love Bonecieux’s clothiers and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a white dress with matching lace around it and a boob window, blue ribbons and white shoes. I was wearing pink lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and blue eyeshadow. I was walking outside the palace. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which i was very sad about. A lot of red guards stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. 

 

“Hey Anne!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was...Aramis the musketeer!

 

“What’s up Aramis?” I asked.

 

“Nothing.” he said shyly. 

 

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. 

 

 

 

 

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my room and drank some unicorn tears from a bottle I had. The unicorn had cried when it saw me because I am so Good and Pure and Noble but my husband is Evil and everyone HATES ME. I got out of my room and took of my giant musketeer t-shirt which I used for pajamas.  Instead, I put on a blue lace dress, a cross necklace, shoes and white ribbons on. I put on four rings on my fingers, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. 

 

My friend, Constance woke then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length auburn red hair with blonde streaks and opened her chocolate brown eyes. She put on her musketeer t-shirt with a black skirt, leather jacket and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (pink lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) 

 

“OMFG, I saw you talking to Aramis the musketeer yesterday!” she said excitedly.

 

“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing. 

 

“Do you like Aramis?” she asked we went out of my apartments and into the garden.

 

“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted. 

 

“Yeah right!” she exclaimed.Just then, Aramis walked up to me. 

 

“Hi.” he said.

 

“Hi.” I replied flirtily.

 

“Guess what.” he said.

 

“What?” I asked.

 

“Well, Athos and d’Artagnan are fighting a duel against Red Guards in the garrison.” he told me.

 

“Oh.My. FUcking. God!” I screamed. I love Athos and d’Artagnan. They are my favourite musketeers, besides Aramis.

 

“Well...do you want to go with me?” he asked.

 

I gasped. 

 

 

 

 

ON the night of the duel I put on my white lace dress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching lace on my arms. I curled my hair and made it look all beautiful. I didn’t put on foundation because I was pale anyway. 

 

I went outside. Aramis was waiting there in front of his horse. He was wearing his musketeer uniform (musketeers only ever have one set of clothes), leather coat, leather trousers, and a hat (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). 

 

“Hi Aramis!” I said in a depressed voice. 

 

“Hi Anne.” He said back. We got onto his black horse (the reigns said musketeer) and rode to the place with the duel. On the way we talked excitedly about how the musketeers are the bestest people in paris and anyone who doesn’t agree with them (like the evil cardinal) is evil. When we got there, we both hopped off the horse. We went to the crowd at the front of the duel and jumped up and down as we watched the duel. 

 

“Athos is so fucking hot.” I said to Aramis, pointing to him as he fought, filling the forest with his amazing fighting. 

 

Suddenly Aramis looked sad. 

 

“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the duel. Then I caught on.

 

“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said.

 

“Really?” asked Aramis sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. 

 

“Really.” I said. “Besides I don’t even know Athos and he’s going out with Milady de fucking Winter. I fucking hate that little bitch.” I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly brunette face.

 

The night went really well, and I had a great time. SO did Aramis. After the duel, we drank some wine and asked Athos and d’Artagnan for their autographs and sketches with them. We got musketeer duel tees. Aramis and I crawled back to the horse, but Aramis didn’t go back into the louvre, instead he rode the horse into...the Musketeer’s Garrison!

 

 

 

 

“ARAMIS!” I shouted. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

 

Aramis didn’t answer but he stopped the horse and he walked off of it. I walked off of it too, curiously.

 

“What fucking hell?” I asked angrily. 

 

“Anne?” he asked,

 

“What?” I snapped.

 

Aramis leaned in extra-close and I looked into his musketeer blue eyes (he was wearing colour contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and goodness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.

 

And then...suddenly just as I Aramis kissed me passionately. Aramis climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a post. He took of my top and I took of all his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it. 

 

“Oh! Oh! Oh!” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then...

 

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!”

 

It was...Captain Treville! 

 

 

Treville made and Aramis and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

 

“You ludacris fools!” he shouted.

 

I started to cry tears of pure golden my pallid face. Aramis comforted me. When we went back to the louvre Treville took us to the king and cardinal richelieu who were both looking very angry.

 

“They were having sexual intercourse in the Musketeer Garrison!” he yelled in a furious voice. 

 

“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked cardinal richelieu.

 

“How dare you?” demanded the king.

 

And then Aramis shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HER” 

 

Everyone was quiet. cardinal richelieu and the king still looked mad but captain treville said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.” 

 

Aramis and I went upstairs while the courtiers glared at us. 

 

“Are you okay, Anne?” Aramis asked me gently.

 

“yeah I guess.” I lied. I went to my quarters and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut white floor-length dress with blue lace all around it and blue high heels. When I came out...

 

Aramis was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing “All you need is love” by the Beatles. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his garrison. 

 


End file.
